There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
