u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
