If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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