Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
