Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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