haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
These tits shall not be calmed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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