the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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