filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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