My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize