Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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