You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
