i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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