This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
