I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
