I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
