when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
