Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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