I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
