the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize