her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
