I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
