I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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