I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
