...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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