your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
