So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize