Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
