Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize