there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize