Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
