Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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