Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize