well most of my day revolves around power hour
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
