Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
