Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
