Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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