If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
