just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
