Four minutes until I can fart!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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