he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize