dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
