you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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