My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
