I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
