I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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