Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
