My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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