We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
