shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize