so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Randomize
