My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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