I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
