This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
