While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize