So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
