Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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