I hate all girls vehemently.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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