I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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