whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
