I cannot find my penis.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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