Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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