PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
