Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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