Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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