Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
