I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
