I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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