i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
