She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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