So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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