Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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