ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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