I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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