It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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