why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
