He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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