I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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