yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
