fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
