no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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