its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
