what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
