yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize