What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
