I wish my penis had an off switch
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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