But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
