drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
