Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
