well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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