If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
