I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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