i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
