i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
