There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
