I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
