If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
