on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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