i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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